i would punch a child for taco bell
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
