I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
