Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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