idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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