I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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