I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
