soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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