Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
