There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
