It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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