Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
