I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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