my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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