I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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