i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
this will be a night to untag.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
