Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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