Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
