We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
