he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
