I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
