That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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