I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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