Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
