Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You have to summon your inner elephant
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
