my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What a dumb baby whore.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
