my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
