It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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