I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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