tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
