There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
