Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize