Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
