If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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