I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
