i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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