I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
And then he peed in my hair
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