why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
