I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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