sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
