sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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