she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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