just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
