Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
