Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
