there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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