Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
