If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
