I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
FUCK WHALES
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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