So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
