WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
