shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
