Christians are straight up FREAKS
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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