I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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