Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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