Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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