I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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