Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It was confusing and full of hummus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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