What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
