a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
