it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
