i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
