I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
