Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
