...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
