You made me cry and you don't even care
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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