just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
