made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
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We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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