I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
