id be glad to
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
