dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
