new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
