That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
How's work?
Spinning.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
